Chocolate Murdercakes

the semi-grown up blog of liz markus, showcasing her ability to put letters and symbols together in a pleasant and correct manner. food, life, and all the rest.

what did you ever do to me, bicycle duo?

the following took place a while ago (like, weeks). i was driving to work through majestic (ha!) willow glen when some movement on the side of the road caught my eye, then re-caught both my eyes as my brain processed: male. shirtless. bike. and this guy was cute. skin that toast color that only good genes can supply, in shape but not lumped all over like a mutant gourd. did i mention he was shirtless? so i was doing the…

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viva la “lots and lots and lots of words with no end”

it has come to my attention that i write very easily when i don’t worry about little things like run-on sentences. when i just allow a thought to ramble on endlessly, everything just kind of flows on its own. case in point, a recent email to a friend: “i bought the taste of home holiday magazine because i’m weak-willed and i saw the most adorable idea in it ever and immediately knew that if i didn’t buy the magazine i’d…

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the torture of christmas tree shopping (x-treem personification)

yesterday, i beat my sister and b-i-l to big lots by a rather wide margin, and as a result, i had some time to burn. the situation was made more interesting by the fact that i had just left my therapist, where we’d discussed, among other things, my anxiety over time that isn’t filled with purpose. the purpose doesn’t have to be particularly purposeful, but it does have to be planned, something specific. so when i found myself with about…

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dear sir/madame: i love you

long ago, i signed up for an account with onemodelplace.com. it had nothing to do with wanting to become a model (though, if by chance the world of fashion were suddenly turned upside down and short, chocolate-loving girls with dreads became the new trend, i wouldn’t turn it down); rather, if you’re into figure drawing and want a constantly updated source of women contorted into odd positions in extreme lighting with vapid looks on their faces, then haute couture shots…

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the dreams of an improperly medicated teenager

the majority of my teen years were spent battling anxiety. at a time when i should’ve been developing social skills and acquiring the building blocks for future higher education, i was drinking my meals and hyperventilating. in 1999, i was seventeen years old, right smack in the thick of it, improperly medicated and basically out of control. for my birthday, my sister gave me a journal specifically for writing down my dreams. i have never been–and still am not–good at…

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the differences in times of anxiety and times of no anxiety

times of no anxiety: you go out for chinese food, and when you crack open your fortune cookie and find no fortune, you curse the vagaries of assembly lines. times of anxiety: you go out for chinese food, and when you crack open your fortune cookie and find no fortune, you feel a dark cloud descend upon you as you realize that this is a sign that you’re totally going to die.

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the chicken whisperer

at least five days a week, i drive down the hill into town. and then, in turn, at least five days a week, i drive back up the hill to home. the passenger-side window of my car doesn’t roll down, so the ride home is when i take a little back road, and stop to talk to the chickens. i pull over, roll down my window, and greet them with a “good day”. i will then proceed to either ask…

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pumpkin pie rice pudding

so i had a random urge for crazy food-related delight this afternoon, on my hour-and-a-half drive home from pacifica*. i recently found, via tastespotting, recipes for fried oatmeal chicken and pumpkin mash. the page in question was an exercise in de-health-ifying an existing set of recipes, and believe you me, it sounds pretty freaking awesome. however, i’ve been trying to pay attention to what i stuff in my facehole, and the thought of frying chicken in pure butter was slightly repellent to…

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the violence inherent in the system, but not the sex

so i’ve done a lot of thinking about the whole “violence is ok for kids, but sex isn’t” debacle that plagues our society, and i think i’ve finally hit upon a logical conclusion. anyone who has ever spent any time around young kids (and i mean pre-teen/prepubescent young) knows that the lord of the flies had it absolutely right: without societal guidance, children are mean. they will say whatever they want, regardless of the feelings of others, and with a…

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the best waffles

remember that time i wanted a cooking blog? yeah, me neither. life is messy, man, and waffles make things better. this is adapted from the better homes and gardens new cookbook, the one with the red gingham and ring-binding for easy addition/subtraction. these waffles will make you feel good. they will remind you of diners. they will silence you because you will be busy chewing. they are delightful topped with butter, and syrup that also has butter added to it…

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