the following took place a while ago (like, weeks).
i was driving to work through majestic (ha!) willow glen when some movement on the side of the road caught my eye, then re-caught both my eyes as my brain processed: male. shirtless. bike.
and this guy was cute. skin that toast color that only good genes can supply, in shape but not lumped all over like a mutant gourd. did i mention he was shirtless?
so i was doing the “looknowdon’tlookoklookagain” routine as they came closer. yes, they. he had a partner. the partner’s manner of dress was such that it wasn’t until they were about two car lengths ahead of me that i realized it was a gal: obviously NOT shirtless, blond, baseball cap, smiley. her now-known presence caused me to immediately cease and desist all looksy-looing and keep my eyes firmly ahead.
what reason did i have to stop looking just because he was with a girl? was i afraid she’d notice my staring and, in a jealous rage, attack my car with her bicycle? if so, she should get some help, because riding with a guy who looks like that is just asking for stares.
did i just immediately lose interest at the sight of her? considering my interest in the first place was passing at best, not some sudden strike of love that would make me forget all about the boyfriend i had back at home, and forsake all others before him, that, too, didn’t seem likely.
was i thinking entirely too hard about this? probably, because i think i (or my inner me, who always boils everything down to the worst) came upon a reason, and it’s really, really stupid.
if i were walking/riding/being around with my boyfriend, and girls were looking at him, right after the initial flare of possessiveness, there would be… happiness. a little thrill. a tingle of pleasure and pride. i didn’t care so much if the guy saw me staring as i did about his girl seeing me. some small, petty part of me wanted to deny that, albeit tiny, joy, to this person. this person i’ve never seen before, and probably never will again seeing as i couldn’t pick her out of a crowd. this person who could volunteer at soup kitchens and sew clothes for orphans and is out biking with her man to train for the upcoming “5k-mile-bike-to-cure-everything-bad-ever-and-save-puppies”.
… come to think of it, that there is a really good reason to hate her. forget i said anything!